I have been in this message since its conception in 1999, but I wasn't a PART of this message until a few years ago when I really applied the message of "not my will but God's be done". When I was growing up, my family and I never went to church and if we did, it was on Easter and that was it. I hated church and felt like I could always see the hypocrisy in the church. It was made very clear to me when in 1994 I switched from the public school system to a private Christian school. This was the most exposure I had ever had to religion and the counterfeit system. We were required to attend chapel every day and listen to a variety of speakers, which often times included the students or faculty. To the naked eye, these people seemed so nice and I thought they must be great Christians. However, when I really got to know these students at my private Christian school, they were full of gossip, slander, jealousy, eating problems, drug problems and sexual relations in MIDDLE SCHOOL! I certainly was not blameless in my actions, but seeing that made me lose all hope! I always knew there was a God, and I knew that I was not going to make it to heaven because I did not know Him! I was scared, but I didn't know the answer!! During my freshman year of high school, in 1996, a new student joined our school. There was something very different about this girl and I wanted to know what it was. She claimed to be a Christian, and I could tell that she meant it by her life. Michelle Shamblin (now Elizabeth Hannah), was full of love and I never heard her talk bad about any other student. She was genuine in her every word and action. Through Michelle I learned how to fall in love with God and how to have a relationship with Him! She taught me how to look for Him in everything. I had never been so happy in my life!!
In 1999 the Shamblins and the Martins pulled out of the counterfeit system in order to start the Remnant Fellowship, and I followed right along! This was the summer before my senior year. It wasn't until a few years later, after I quit running cross country, that I realized I had greed in my heart. I went from 114lbs up to 138lbs, on a 5 ft 2 in girl, that's a lot! Although I was in this message, I was not a part of it, for I hadn't laid down my idols. I would lose weight, only to gain it again. I was humiliated, and though my idol was very obvious, I would never want to talk to anyone about it. I thought that if I didn't talk about it, no one would notice. I was wrong, very wrong, and it only allowed me to stay in my sin longer. I hated the way I felt, and it started to affect other areas of my life. I was lonely, only because I was self-focused. I would listen to the lies of Satan instead of obeying God and getting out of SIN!! Praise God that He allowed me to be miserable, because it made me want out of the prison I was in. When I finally started obeying God, I realized how much BETTER it was than obeying the FOOD! I felt free and no longer self-focused! I wasn't afraid to talk to other people because I KNEW that I was being obedient! When I finally started obeying, it was the fear of messing up that kept me from sinning. I went back to what I learned in the beginning, and that was how to fall in LOVE with God. I switched my focus OFF of the food and my weight, and I turned it onto God Almighty and finally got out of myself!!! It was the best feeling in the world!
Since losing 30lbs, God has blessed me tremendously! I was able to get accepted into Dental Hygiene school (I graduate in May), I was able to meet and marry my husband, I am no longer self-focused, and I am more in love with God than ever! Obeying His commands is AWESOME and I wouldn't have it any other way! I am nothing and I know thatdoing what I used to want to do would only make me miserable! I now know that I am part of this message because I am changing everyday and the fruit in my life backs it up!